Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Change and Anxiety: Kindergarten

This post is selfishly about me. Remember I once told you I have always been wrapped up in "firsts" and "lasts"?

This is the last week of the only parenting I know. Parenting with Full-time M-F assistance.

For five years I have taken my son to daycare. We have arrived at whatever time we wanted and the most challenging thing to remember was show and tell day or if it was water day in the summer. This was my morning routine:

Creeeaaakkk, pitter patter of little Ford feet down the hall. Ford climbing into my bed. Kissing me on the cheek. Hi Mommy, when can we go downstairs?
That was my alarm clock. For five years. The past two years sometimes the alarm would be Amelie crying in her room to be rescued from her crib, but most of the time Ford wakes up first. (I'm choosing to forget about the first year of Ford's life when I worked uptown and rode the light rail with a 90's breast pump handed down with one of my bosses) 
I would then proceed to roll out of bed, change my shirt but leave on my workout shorts/pants and put on flip flops or Fuggs (Faux Uggs). I didn't even wash my face or brush my teeth. Glasses not contacts. We would eat dry cereal or muffins while watching Dora and get dressed for school and then out the door to the less than three mile commute to their school. (Yes, I was the Troll mom at drop off. I work from home, do you know how much my face lotion costs? I avoid makeup unless it is necessary. Maybe I need a B-squad of makeup for M-F.)
All of that is changing. 

We will now have two schools and one with a rigid arrival schedule. 7:15 am EST. Lunch to be packed. A backpack to be prepared. What should I feed him? Turkey and cheese? Ham and cheese? We are a peanut free house (except my contraband at the top of the pantry) so Peanut Butter and Jelly is not something my kids even know about. Those bento boxes overwhelm me and I know my picky son would be like WTF is hummus.
Would your kids seriously eat this sh*t? via lastonecookbook

Homework. Peer Pressure. Friends to be made. We don't know a soul in his class at K. PTA to jump in and get involved. Teacher Work Days. End of Year testing. And the really scary abyss of no childcare during the summer. I have heard that planning summer camps requires an Excel sheet and Tracy Flick organization.

I know that change is good. It shouldn't be feared but instead embraced. But that is much easier for some. And much harder for others.....like myself. I know people do this all the time and with more kids and more schools than myself....but I'm just a little worried how this will rock our nice steady boat.

So when you see me next Thursday with bloodshot eyes and mascara around my neck sitting at Roosters eating my feelings with Mac and Cheese and wine know that while I am emotional over my son growing up, I am also scared shitless of change.

(I promise in a few weeks I will be a super K mom and will be taking all of this in stride. Just let me have my mini pity party)

Wednesday, August 10, 2016


It crept up out of nowhere. I had a wonderful visit with my Father while he was in town for business. And this morning he left and I came and sat down at my desk and put on music to crank out some of the piles of work this week holds. I needed something softer than my usual playlists so I put Enya on. I haven't listened to Enya in years. 

And there it was. Tapes from my mother's car. Her album "Watercolor" playing while my parents entertained. And then George Winston. When George Winston's Summer or Winter albums were on my parents would be sitting at the dining table with friends, candles lit and glasses clinking. That was my cue to stay hidden in my room.

And it became too much to bear and I began to sob.


It's not the same. Even with her Alzheimer's she would still be my Mom. She would be here. And she isn't here. She is there. In that home. 

She would have brought some odd tchotchke for the kids that was probably inappropriate. And she would have insisted my Dad stopped for flowers before arriving. And she would have picked the dead leaves off the plants. And she probably would have spilled something and slightly frustrated us but she would have been here. 

And then I get sadder and imagine her healthy. Would she be that lone honest voice and tell me its time to use wrinkle cream? That I look tired and a little heavy? Would she help me organize Amelie's clothes and switch my closets from Summer to Fall? Go for a walk with me? Give me advice about the rooms in my house that are still in progress? I know she would insist on Mums and Pumpkins in the coming months. She made seasons magical.

I miss having a Mom.

I miss it so so much.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Achieving First Day of Kindergarten Picture Perfection*

Preppy Prince George

4 weeks until my son starts Kindergarten so that leaves me 4 weeks to:

1.  Find the perfect preppy but scholarly polo and shorts combo to put him in. Polo MUST coordinate with backpack straps. MUST. Otherwise this could ruin the entire day.

2. Fluff my Ferns

3. Spruce up the Front Door

4. Research which Back to School Banner will look best on my fireplace.

5. Select coordinating sister outfit so she can join in on the photo session. Like this Pixie Lily Pre-Order I missed. Damn Damn Damn.
6. Surf the internet for the BEST Chalkboard printout. (Since I have NO artistic skills whatsoever)

7. Shoes. Must be athletic but not light-up or lace-up but still hip and cool.

8. Haircut-Watch Dead Poet's Society and School Ties for ideas.

9. Crest Whitestrips for kids. Gotta get that smile SPARKLY AS EDWARD.

10. Bourbon for after.

*This post is in jest. Partially. Because you know my crazy ass will be taking these pictures and crying!!!!

Monday, August 1, 2016

Fuching Weekends 8.1.16

In an effort to blog more and get some of the thousands of photos I take out of my phone I thought I would let my pictures tell our weekend stories. 

This was our last weekend with my stepson. I don't post too much about him on here because as a mother myself I'm not sure I would love it if my kids had a stepmom that took pictures of them and posted all over social media. We had an AMAZING summer together. He is so athletic and really wants to make the High School tennis team in Florida and improved exponentially this summer at tennis camp. He is seriously the best big brother and everyone is happier when he is in town. We had a family date night just with him Friday night and went to see Bourne, review coming later this week.

Saturday was crazy. It was our last pool day together as a family of 5 but Amelie is cutting her two year molars so we were delayed getting out there. School only has her napping from 11-1 but when she is home she desperately wants to take a 9:30am nap. Anyone else have this issue?

I ran up to a friend's 40th birthday party after the pool. Her husband planned a brewery crawl and I met them for a drink at Free Range Brewery. Pro tip: They have an entire toy area for kids! (Picture and article from my favorite Charlotte Agenda)

Then my cousin ended up being in town so we grabbed drinks at Fig Tree. We didn't stay to eat but the place was adorable! He is on his way to Seminary in Alexandria. Good luck Brooks!

Saturday night our friends hosted a dinner party and it was out of this world. I took 0 pictures. I'm an asshole. But you know you are having a good time when you just didn't have time to either find your phone or use it. It usually is just the girls for Blog Club but we finally had a couples night and it was so good to see everyone! I feel like I don't see anybody over the summer since schedules are nuts. No kids and we all ubered. I did get a picture of the Blackberry pie....

Sunday Kody left so it was just me and the kids. This is Ford pre-sobfest. Poor guy. 
Ford: "Why do you have to leave Kody?"
Kody: "Because I have to go home"
Ford: "But you are Home"
Rest of us.....crying.

Me and the kids.................... and a fabulous babysitter. I don't know what we would do without all of our awesome sitters. I snuck out alone Sunday afternoon to attend a sip and see for the sweetest new baby boy and beautiful mama. Look at this CAKE!

 After that went home and grabbed Amelie and headed to get Ford at a friend's birthday party. I'm a horrible parent and Amelie has never been in My Gym. While the big kids were having cake she ran all over!

That was probably REALLY boring for everyone else but I'll look back on these and be thankful for the memories!