Change and Anxiety: Kindergarten

This post is selfishly about me. Remember I once told you I have always been wrapped up in "firsts" and "lasts"?

This is the last week of the only parenting I know. Parenting with Full-time M-F assistance.

For five years I have taken my son to daycare. We have arrived at whatever time we wanted and the most challenging thing to remember was show and tell day or if it was water day in the summer. This was my morning routine:

Creeeaaakkk, pitter patter of little Ford feet down the hall. Ford climbing into my bed. Kissing me on the cheek. Hi Mommy, when can we go downstairs?

That was my alarm clock. For five years. The past two years sometimes the alarm would be Amelie crying in her room to be rescued from her crib, but most of the time Ford wakes up first. (I'm choosing to forget about the first year of Ford's life when I worked uptown and rode the light rail with a 90's breast pump handed down with one of my bosses) 

I would then proceed to roll out of bed, change my shirt but leave on my workout shorts/pants and put on flip flops or Fuggs (Faux Uggs). I didn't even wash my face or brush my teeth. Glasses not contacts. We would eat dry cereal or muffins while watching Dora and get dressed for school and then out the door to the less than three mile commute to their school. (Yes, I was the Troll mom at drop off. I work from home, do you know how much my face lotion costs? I avoid makeup unless it is necessary. Maybe I need a B-squad of makeup for M-F.)

All of that is changing. 

We will now have two schools and one with a rigid arrival schedule. 7:15 am EST. Lunch to be packed. A backpack to be prepared. What should I feed him? Turkey and cheese? Ham and cheese? We are a peanut free house (except my contraband at the top of the pantry) so Peanut Butter and Jelly is not something my kids even know about. Those bento boxes overwhelm me and I know my picky son would be like WTF is hummus.

Would your kids seriously eat this sh*t? via lastonecookbook

Homework. Peer Pressure. Friends to be made. We don't know a soul in his class at K. PTA to jump in and get involved. Teacher Work Days. End of Year testing. And the really scary abyss of no childcare during the summer. I have heard that planning summer camps requires an Excel sheet and Tracy Flick organization.

I know that change is good. It shouldn't be feared but instead embraced. But that is much easier for some. And much harder for others.....like myself. I know people do this all the time and with more kids and more schools than myself....but I'm just a little worried how this will rock our nice steady boat.

So when you see me next Thursday with bloodshot eyes and mascara around my neck sitting at Roosters eating my feelings with Mac and Cheese and wine know that while I am emotional over my son growing up, I am also scared shitless of change.

(I promise in a few weeks I will be a super K mom and will be taking all of this in stride. Just let me have my mini pity party)