My iPhone dies faster than the first hot chick in a James Bond Movie. We have several of these always charging. As my brother says..ABC! (Always be Charging)
I could keep going but I need to save money for Winestore. Matt hold a case of Leese Fitch Cab for me! If you call either store they will put it right in your car!
Mom has a dedicated PA taking care of her now since she has declined so much. The outlook isn't good, but that's what happens with this disease. We are past the point of playing music for an "awakening". We are past showing photos. We are past stuffed animals and face-timing. Eye contact is rare.
Her PA called Dad to give him an update on Thursday. Mom is declining rapidly. She is pocketing her food. Mom is a chipmunk. If that makes you smile at all. Mom is one of the Chipettes. She is having problems swallowing and likely already aspirating. She is losing weight, and her mood is flat. Soon eating will be too difficult. Most people familiar with dementia/Alzheimer's patients recommend AGAINST a feeding tube. What exactly, at this point, are you prolonging? Your selfish desire to see this person? The feeding tubes can become infected and agitate the person more than they already are. So at this point she will continue to lose weight and possibly aspirate, or pneumonia, or stroke...etc.
I'm guessing less than six months. It's probably much sooner than that. We know. We know it's coming. We know she is dying. But to have someone tell you it's closer is hard. I bawled. I wanted to drive up and brush her hair and feed her pudding and hug her. But she doesn't know me and I wouldn't be a comfort. She winces when you rub her head. She winces when she tries to swallow her favorite frozen frappuccino. And I have a job and kids and First Grade and well, responsibilities. Epitome of the sandwich generation right here. I feel like I'm failing both slices of bread.
I read an article recently about how you need to be there for people more after the funeral. I imagine that to be true. The pomp and circumstance is over and they are truly alone at that point. But with a disease like this you need people all the way through. It feels needy and selfish and horrible for saying, well yeah I need your support. Still. Year 5. Still need you. Hey, I'm still here, grieving. Hello? I hate it. It's an unfair burden to my loved ones to have to feel like they should support this marathon of grief. But it's not my fault. And it's not Mom's. And it is a MARATHON. Nancy Reagan called it the long goodbye and she couldn't be more correct.
I'm sure my husband is sick of it. Updates turn me into a blubbering mess. I'm already a Pisces so I'm doubly screwed. People say I'm handling this with grace and courage and I don't think that is true. The only kudos I will give to myself is that I am telling the truth, and being authentic. And hopefully showing a REAL representation of what it is like to lose your Mother to Alzheimer's.
This is a no-brainer but you wouldn't believe how many people don't ask this. We are somewhat creepy when it comes to this and talk about it all the time. Know the flowers they want, the specific hymns, where they want to be buried/cremated and sprinkled...etc. Specific color for church? I'm thinking of wearing Mom's favorite color, green, for hers.
2. Play 20 questions.
Ask them things you don't know. What is their favorite recipe? Hilarious stories from College? Best friend? Favorite drink and how in the hell did they learn to like Scotch? Stories from their travels pre kids. If you google this there are tons of ideas. Here is one.
3. Ask them to tell stories about their grandparents or parents.
My Grandmother Katharine Ford Braselman (Boylan) at Rockbrook Camp in the 30's. The short one. ;)
I wish I knew my Grandparents but they all died when I was a baby. We had lunch with a friend of the family a few years ago and she told me hysterical stories how my grandmother would have "Tacky Daiquiri Parties" when it would rain too much in the mountains. All her friends would come over and wear hats and drink all afternoon. And don't get me started on my grandfather. I was a third generation Rockbrook Girl following my grandmother pictured above and then my Aunt Kathleen.
4. Get a tad invasive and ask about life insurance, wills, etc.
While our parents' finances shouldn't be our business, make sure they are someone's business. Program the family's financial advisor/lawyer...etc in your phone. Or download their outlook info at work. I cannot stress the importance of an elder care lawyer if your family is dealing with an Alzheimer's or Dementia diagnosis. Ours was a lifesaver.
5. Order one of these books and have them record their voices.
I waited too long to do this. Don't make my same mistake.
6. Get pictures and videos of them with your children.
I am so very thankful I invited my friend Kristen to come take pictures of my Mom with the kids while she was still able. I don't have many great videos but I do have this one below and I will cherish it forever. Amelie was barely a month and now she is almost three and can sing this along with me. I remember my parents coming home from a night out and singing this to me.
7. Find out what medications they are on and know your family medical history.
When my Dad was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery they came to me asking for his prescription list. This was when we noticed Mom wasn't herself because she couldn't name a single one. His list is LONG and I now have this stored in my phone so I know dosage/names/etc.
8. Ask them to send your kids postcards or letters from their travels.
I ordered this for both grandfathers for Father's Day to send to the kids. You can buy here. One of my favorite things my In-laws do is to send our kids postcards from all of their trips. We have probably hundreds from South America, Switzerland, and New Zealand. My kids don't get to see them too often but these notes let them know they are thinking of them.
9. Have them make a plan for their jewelry.
We didn't have a real plan for Mom's (she didn't have a lot) but I know she would have loved to hand down a few things to Charlotte and Amelie.
10. Time and Attention.
Tell them how much they mean to you. Visit them more. This picture above is from when I drove up early on Mother's Day to surprise Mom. Go to Paper Source or Baggie Goose or that awesome Ace Hardware type place in Atlanta and buy a funny card. Buy a dirty card. Send anything. Snail mail is seriously the best and always will be. Call them. Print off a bunch of pictures of your kids and send it to them. Put your phone down when you have a meal with them. Go on Amazon right now and send your Mom something. Anything. Send a Candle. Send a book. Forward this post to her and tell her you miss her.
Does anybody have anything to add? I would love to hear your ideas and will add as they come in.
Amelie with her cousin Wilder wearing The Proper Peony
Two very dear grandmother friends asked me where I buy Amelie's clothes. The dirty truth is that I buy most of them from friends. I'm sure your city has a "Facebook Mom Page" where you post something like "Florence Eiseman jumper 2T $15" and someone comments, venmo or paypal's you and then they grab it off your porch. It's like drug dealing but way way more satisfying. *I have never dealt drugs. I have been doing this for almost 3 years now. When Amelie was little I would load the kids up at 6am (my kids wake up early), give ford his iPad, Amelie a pacifier and drive all over this city doing my "porch pickups". I looked something like this:
I also shop off my friend's Instagram pages. I have become good friends with people I follow on Instagram who have kids exactly a year older (I'm looking at you Morgan) and now they sometimes just message me what they are getting ready to sell to let me have first dibs.
BST (Buy Sell Trade) boards on facebook are another favorite. BST boards and Instagram are Tinder for Moms that love clothing. I'm serious. If a Mom is posting clothes that line up size/season/taste for me I'm definitely swiping right. I literally have a group of girlfriends in Rock Hill that I met this way. Love you RH girls!
Social Media for kids shopping is AMAZING. Kids grow so fast and there are very few companies I will pay retail for. So my other favorite sources for kids clothes are these!
Hands down one of my favorites. I splurge on these once or twice a year and try to buy the rest off the "boards". This blue tulip dress will stay in Amelie's forever box and their holiday dresses are perfection.
I met Mollie when I offered to take pictures of her daughter's birthday party. Her brand is local to Charlotte! And I can never say no to a buffalo check.
Leda's beautiful clothes are exquisitely classic and perfect for dressing babies and kids. And somehow we are related! (isn't everyone from Louisiana cousins somehow?) Her Pima rompers are the perfect baby gift too! Pixie Lily Holly Daygown
A jumper and bathing suit favorite in our house. I had to get the long sleeve style of this dress since Fuchs = Fox!
LaRoque Mini
One of a kind outfits from an adorable store in South Carolina!
I mean look at this dress for back to school!
Inlet Smocked Clothing Company
These ladies are out of Murrell's Inlet and I'm kicking myself for not ordering this dress
Bella Bliss
Love their jumpers and they have a great boy selection as well. I think our little Swiss Amelie needs this outfit!
Instagram stores (for Florence Eiseman, Squiggles, Viva la Fete, etc)
One of the best ways to buy clothing is truly on Instagram. I know that sounds insane but I never go "shopping" anymore. Several stores even call each season to see if there is anything I need (which makes me feel insanely important). Carousel in Columbia is a favorite as well as MCall's, Shop Loozie Loo, Banbury Cross, Spinout Kids, etc! Here are some of their Instagram pics:
And the little English Dress I fell in love with through McCall's IG
I never get to see my friend Abby so I always make sure I attend her S/G trunk show. Last year I purchased my favorite dress for Amelie, this Fox Dress. They have great pieces and aren't too expensive. When the kids were younger that have great brother/sister matches.
Play Clothes
Kids and school are tough on clothes. I don't send Amelie in anything that I love and Ford at this age only wears Under Armour. I don't know how they cornered the market for boys 5+ but his Adidas and Nike were just not good enough. I am very thankful I can find most of that used. A woman here in Charlotte even invited me over to dig through her bins and bins of UA. We are set for a few years. Companies I like for play clothes are
Hanna Andersson
Beautiful bright play dresses and some of my favorite pajamas!
Old Navy/Gap/Target
Katie Quinn Organics Fox Dress at Target...why isn't this in a 3T!
If you are a local in Charlotte one of my favorite consignment stores is The Argyle Alligator. Casie Carpenter played on the Blondes vs Brunettes team to End Alz so I will support all of her business endeavors. Here are some items she has in the shop now!
What are your favorite brands for little girls? Happy Shopping!
PS: Amelie is a 3T. Wink Wink
