Wednesday, September 28, 2016

In the Trenches

Most people I know keep family matters private. To each their own and I totally understand and Max definitely wishes I did the same. However, I just can't. Mainly because I feel guilty when I cancel on my third girls night in a row. Or when people see me out and I look like room temperature dog shit. Or to possibly explain why I'm a hot mess express via text. I pride myself on being super organized and I missed school curriculum night and my son wore a jersey to school picture day. These aren't the mannerisms of the "Room Mom" PTA SuperMom I wanted from myself for our Kindergarten year. My son's teacher must think I'm a loon.

The normal day to day activities of a household are sometimes enough to drive you insane. Especially with a very militant and feisty almost 2 year old and a non stop talking 5 year old. Add in Soccer, a new Kindergarten routine and back to back travel for a spouse every weekend and you've got stress. Normal stress from what I gauge most friends are experiencing but still, stress.

My Aunt died last week. She and my Uncle did not believe in saying "passed away" or "we lost Aunt Kathleen". Because she wasn't lost, and she didn't pass anywhere. She merely died. It was out of the blue and heartbreaking. She was the Matriarch of our family and our very own Dowager Countess of Ansley Park. My Dad is crushed. I am crushed. She deserves her own post that I will hopefully write soon. She was a Rockbrook Girl and no other woman had such style and elegance as she did. We all thought she would pull a miraculous recovery like her cousin Kitten did this summer but she did not. She tasted her last gin and tonic on Wednesday afternoon. 

Thursday morning my Dad called me in a panic because BB had fallen while he was visiting and hit her head and started seizing.......and was unresponsive. I honestly thought when we hung up that she was gone. I just sat on my bed sobbing and Max got me in the shower so I could either start packing or make a plan. She ended up being okay and after speaking with the nurse at her facility they noticed on the surveillance video that the seizure caused the fall and not vice versa. Something we will need to address pharmacologically soon. Apparently in the end stages of Alzheimer's this can become common. End stages.

After Asheville we went to Sewanee to celebrate the marriage of my cousin. The same cousin who just said goodbye to his mother. Many people probably wondered how we could celebrate after such a tragedy. My grandfather died right before my Aunt and Uncle were married in New Orleans. I guess if any family knows how to do this its ours. It was a beautiful weekend in Tennessee and everyone had a wonderful time.

This week we prepare to head to Atlanta to celebrate my Aunt and Max got the call his brother is in the ER. He has a blockage of his arteries and is having a catheterization done. Max is very close with his brother, he is his best friend and I swear those two use every minute of our phone plan. To say that he dodged a bullet is an understatement, the doctor told him he was a ticking time bomb with a 90% blockage.

I write all this to ask.....for you to please say a prayer for our family. Max has been keeping things running here while I've been at Alzheimer events, Asheville events, family events...... and he is exhausted. I'm exhausted from all the events and from not being home. Our hearts hurt. Our minds are functioning enough to keep our kids happy and healthy and to make sure we still have jobs.

I know many have it far far worse than we do but I just wanted to put this down on paper so I can look back and see what this time in our life was like. This must be what if feels like to be in the trenches.


  1. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. If sharing gives you a little sliver of sanity keep doing it. And for goodness sakes, make a g&t for yourself :)

  2. you are a badass and seem like a truly special person. your family, your friends and all close to you are lucky to have you. I'm so sorry that stuff has been rough lately but if I know anything from being a reader of your blog, you've. got. this. I know there is nothing really people can say that will make you feel better but just know you've got this! Prayers for you and your whole family xoxo

  3. Goodness. Just reading this stressed me out - I can't even imagine what your family is going through. Thinking about all of you - hope the sun comes back out soon.

  4. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

  5. Love and prayers (and wine and chocolate) to your family.

  6. Hang in there, mama. These are tough roes to hoe, but they'll carry you to the other side. Don't be hard on yourself either. Talk to yourself like you'd talk to a good friend and allow yourself to feel. It is enough. You are enough.

  7. This is so terrible and I am so sorry for your family. I am saying prayers for you all.

  8. Wow Katherine, you basically summed up my life!! My mom has dementia and is in a care facility too. Hang in there. We are in the trenches together! Lean on your friends and family and let them help you....something I am still learning how to do. Hugs to you!!