Thursday, January 10, 2019

Marie Kondo + Tidying + Grief

I have had the Marie Kondo book on my bedside table for years. YEARS. I have a LOT of books on my bedside table I would like to read. I just never get to read. I think I read 1 book a year at the beach. I'm a heavy sleeper (or I was) and by the time my head hits the pillow I'm out. (Thank you Melatonin gummies)

Anyways, unless you have been living under a rock you know all about Kondo's new show on Netflix, tidying up.
I have OCD but no time. My house seems tidy but don't open any doors or drawers or look in any corners. The hard truth is we don't have a playroom and our formal living room is my office, so we are out of creative space for kid stuff. That's an entirely separate post. I have been using Marie's method to slowly get out some of the stuff we have accumulated over the 12 years we have been in this house. I do like her idea of thanking something before giving it away. I saw the Brave Little Toaster too young and I sometimes think my "stuff" has feelings. Yes I'm crazy. Yes I sleep with a baby blanket. Yes I'm a total SAP.

I leave Netflix on in the background while I work and the episode about the widow started. I cried most of the way through. And when she began her work on his pile of clothes? Sobbing. And can I just say her kids are total assholes for not helping her through this process???

When Mom moved into the nursing home we got rid of a large amount of her clothes. Things she couldn't fit in anymore, things that were too complicated to get on, and things she had bought in the more advanced years of Alzheimer's while she still had a check card. For example: Team Edward shirts and the stuff at Chico's that even Michael Phelp's mom wouldn't wear. Yep, Mom was die hard team Edward.

My brother, father and I took about 10 huge garbage bags to our Church in Asheville for their crisis assistance ministry of all BB's purses, shoes, extra clothes. It was cathartic as we laughed at things she had bought, cried at some of her favorites, and kept the most special items. Mom was a giver and I know she would love the idea of other women enjoying her beautiful things.

When Mom died last year I took home those most special items. But I should reclarify that and say mostly special items. To this day I am still having a hard time of getting rid of her things. I think I know in my heart I should save maybe 10 items? But what about all the other cute cord jackets and long tunic tops she was so famous for? And looked so chic and adorable in? She had a tinier build than I do so lots of it I can't wear. I have her first pair of Kate Spade's. That was a big purchase for her and I.....she wore them to my rehearsal dinner. And her first Tory Burch Reva's are waiting for Amelie. 

I just don't want her to go. I know she is gone but once all her clothes are gone her scent is gone. I think it is the time of year we are entering. We were literally on BB watch at this time last year. She was in Hospice at this time but not yet at the Hospice house. 

As we approach the year mark I feel the pressure to move on. To begin my life without always bringing my mother up. But here's the deal: I can't yet. I watched her die for seven years. We went through a heartbreaking and agonizing process of watching my mother's mind die. Alzheimer's is brain death. And since there is still no cure I'm not going to stop talking about her. Not until we find a cure. For those friends of mine that have been through this, how did you reduce the amount of "things" you held onto? 

I want to leave you with this amazing company that I have been cyberstalking for years. I think I have finally picked two pieces to send but it has been hard to choose. 


Little Grey Line is in Raleigh and she creates the most beautiful works of art with clothing. Here are just a few samples. I think Amelie will have a new beach dress for this summer and Ford/Kody/Wilder will have new bow ties. *If* I can narrow down my choices!