Second Pregnancies are HARD

There I said it. I'm waving the white flag. Somebody bring me Jim Beam.

1. This pregnancy is hard in general. 

(Last Wednesday at the Doc)

I'm having pretty bad back pain and I thought it could be from my fall at the beach (long story) but maybe it's just because I have a big ole belly and diastasis recti from my first pregnancy. I went in to get checked and all is fine on that front but I literally limp b/c my left upper buttocks/lower back hurts SO bad. I'm also over three years older, weighed about 7 pounds more at conception, and am more worn down by life than I was in my magical happy pregnancy phase in 2010. 

2. I have a FUCKING Kidney Stone. 

Just found that out yesterday. I knew it was there from my ICU trip but didn't realize how much it had grown. My Urologist wants to monitor it and I have to come in if I'm having any "back pain". Well I feel like I'm in permanent Braxton Hicks most of the time so this will be difficult to assess. It is in my left kidney and in the bottom which is apparently good news. But we have to get x-rays and probably remove it right after baby girl is born. (Backstory: I've been to the ICU with 2 kidney infections and both times escalated to Sepsis. Also had a kidney stone when I was 8 that shutdown both kidneys.) So this is bad news and for a worrier off her zoloft this is horrible news. Good news? I've already hit my deductible. Take that insurance company. What else can I get done before New Years Eve?

3. I don't want to even look at vegetables. 

I have a whole post typed up about my issues with eating healthy and nutrition but the short story is I just don't love vegetables. I know this is my last pregnancy and I should just enjoy the last few weeks of not calorie counting but I am blowing up pretty quickly. The Instagram and facebook comments absolutely make my day but my arms and legs are getting pretty big and I can see it in my face this time which is different than with my son. Maybe it's a girl thing? If I have gestational diabetes I am going to be in a world of hurt for the last few months. Say a little prayer on Monday that I pass that damn test. Please. I beg you. I CANNOT EAT KALE. It is also hard when there are bloggers out there who say they lost their baby weight in 5 weeks or post their actual weight gain. I know it is my own fault and I applaud those other women for eating healthy and running marathons pregnant but I just can't. 30 minutes on the treadmill at 3.0 is a struggle for my lower ligament pain and with his new back pain I think I have to throw in the towel on exercise. Don't suggest Yoga unless you are also mailing me a DVD.

4. My son is not listening.

This deserves a post of its own. I am doing everything I can to not resort to spanking but sometimes he just doesn't listen. He has also started repeating what he wants until I cave so I end up sending him to timeout and then the cycle starts over. And did your kids become SUPER clingy. We haven't had meltdowns at daycare dropoff in a long long time and this week we have had one every single day. Is that a pregnancy thing too? 

5. I have a son this time.

My belly taking up the whole chair

I have a dining room full of his clothes to prep for consignment sales and looking at all his little outfits makes me so so sad. I hope I snap out of this funk when baby girl arrives but I just miss my little boy being so small and tiny (and innocent). I feel horrible that we will be kicking him out of his crib in the next few weeks. I am trying to make his big boy room exciting and fun but what is going on in his head when I tell him he is getting kicked out of his room? I can't even rock him at night. Our routine is to read books and then rock and sing before bed. I literally cannot hold him in my lap comfortably to accomplish this. I'm still picking him up but I really should stop as it kills my back but I don't want to. Bathing is hard, putting in the car seat is hard. I'm sure you all understand what I mean. I don't want these last few months of him and I to be so HARD but they are. I want to run around and fall in the grass and giggle and jump off the diving board with him and instead I feel like a bitchy bump on a log.

I guess my main point is your first pregnancy is so exciting. Your are planning your dream nursery, registering for gifts, laughing at things like nipple cream (how silly...why would I need that? (insert naive little stupid laughs) and you are just amazed at the wonderment of creating a new life. You have beautiful luscious hair, an adoring husband, ecstatic family members and a glow that radiates around you like a Care Bear stare of intoxicated happiness. 

Fast forward (at least for me) 3.5 years and you already know what will happen to those nipples. KNIVES. KNIVES coming out of your nipples while trying to breastfeed. You already know about the first 4 months of hell. Everyone (husband included) figures that "Oh, she's got this" and doesn't bend over backwards like they did during the first. And you have to balance all this knowledge while chasing a very stubborn and wild 3 year old.  How will we do mornings? How will we handle that 5pm-8pm stretch? Is my newborn going to live in a swing? Will she look like Salma Hayek? Will I ever be able to buy an Elizabeth McKay blouse again while paying for 2 in daycare (and 1 child support check)?

And last of all.

CMC MAIN DOESN'T TAKE THE BABY BACK TO THE NURSERY TO LET YOU SLEEP ANYMORE???? WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT CMC  MAIN!!! I better see a MUCH cheaper hospital bill this time then you slackers! I don't have grandmas to come and hold the baby!

xo,

Hormonal and Huge 

K