Photo via Leah Hoskins
As soon as you say your "I do's" people are harassing you with the questions about kids. And as soon as you get to stop wearing the post-baby pantyhose the hospital gives you people are asking if you will have another one. As Tina Fey said “My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold nonfood.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants
Also from Fey's HILARIOUS Bossypants (I'm paraphrasing here...can't remember the actual quote) She talked about having a second and what it would mean for their lifestyle. Would they go to dinner and order a salad or to a nice restaurant and order steaks? Would the family take trips to Deleware or Paris? I can definitely relate to this...I mean if we have another will my kids be decked out in Cherokee's finest from Wal-Mart or can I splurge on the $30 cords at the Gap? I also remember her on the Today show and Matt Lauer asked her about having a second child and she said the decision to have another kid is like...oh, i'm getting old, the store is closing, i better buy those pants!
So, do you have multiple kids? Are you thinking of a second? I have several friends that have kids 2 years (or close to) apart. Most of these ladies did it on purpose and their family dynamic seems to be perfect. I have already missed that window and quite honestly I can't imagine being pregnant right now.
Me and my big brother!
Then there is the question about how will it affect everyone else in your family. How will D take it? He loves F but will that make him feel less part of the family if we have another? And how will F take it? Have you moms battled jealousy issues with older brothers in the 2.5+ age gap? How will Max do? I'm not sure he is all gung-ho about having another but he agrees that kids should have siblings. (He is the youngest of three boys) And while F does have a half-sibling there is no guarantee how much they will see of each other as D gets older.
My brother is F's Godfather
My Mom's two brothers and sister
My Dad's sister and brother
Another bonus? Cousins!!! Glorious cousins!!! My father was 1 of 3 and my mom was 1 of 4 growing up and my network of cousins is vast and amazing. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews...the whole kit and kaboodle; all of that stems from having siblings. Second cousins are just considered cousins in the Boylan/Brown world and I can probably name twenty friend that we consider cousins as they are just like family!
D with my niece and nephew (5 years ago!)
All my crazy cousins at my brother's wedding in 1997
Christmas in New Orleans, I'm the little brat on the right crying.
So do we do it? (Don't worry, we haven't pulled the goalie yet) I know if we do have another that will be it. I mean daycare alone will cost $2,000/month. That is a vacation home mortgage payment! And in this economy I hate to be the cause of a slowdown in Jim Beam demand.
Once you do make the decision to go for it there is the question of the age gap. Joanna at A Cup of Jo did a great post on the question about how far apart should kids be. Just go read her post and look at all the responses!
Our large and awesome family at F's Christening!