Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Should I have another? (Baby not cocktail)

Photo via Leah Hoskins 

As soon as you say your "I do's" people are harassing you with the questions about kids. And as soon as you get to stop wearing the post-baby pantyhose the hospital gives you people are asking if you will have another one. As Tina Fey said “My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold nonfood.” 
― Tina FeyBossypants
Also from Fey's HILARIOUS Bossypants (I'm paraphrasing here...can't remember the actual quote) She talked about having a second and what it would mean for their lifestyle. Would they go to dinner and order a salad or to a nice restaurant and order steaks? Would the family take trips to Deleware or Paris? I can definitely relate to this...I mean if we have another will my kids be decked out in Cherokee's finest from Wal-Mart or can I splurge on the $30 cords at the Gap? I also remember her on the Today show and Matt Lauer asked her about having a second child and she said the decision to have another kid is like...oh, i'm getting old, the store is closing, i better buy those pants!

So, do you have multiple kids? Are you thinking of a second? I have several friends that have kids 2 years (or close to) apart. Most of these ladies did it on purpose and their family dynamic seems to be perfect. I have already missed that window and quite honestly I can't imagine being pregnant right now.

Me and my big brother!

I guess you could say I was an only child growing up but I have an 13 years older half brother. By the time we moved to Asheville from New Orleans he was at Christ School as a Boarding student. When he graduated I was five and he went off to the College of Charleston. So technically we never lived in the same house. (Not until I was 22 and moved in with him in West Palm Beach.) I loved when he would come home for the holidays! I adored him and everything he did was just so cool. Is that how F will look up to D who is 10 years older? Did I have the best of both worlds or was I missing out on not having a sibling at home?

Then there is the question about how will it affect everyone else in your family. How will D take it? He loves F but will that make him feel less part of the family if we have another? And how will F take it? Have you moms battled jealousy issues with older brothers in the 2.5+ age gap? How will Max do? I'm not sure he is all gung-ho about having another but he agrees that kids should have siblings. (He is the youngest of three boys) And while F does have a half-sibling there is no guarantee how much they will see of each other as D gets older.

My brother is F's Godfather

We watched the Descendants this weekend and while the older sister helps the dad the most at least she also is a shoulder for the little sister to cry on. I'm so thankful that I have Beau on my team to tackle the future issues of aging parents. I can't imagine going through Dad's illness or Mom's Alzheimer's without my brother and his wife.

My Mom's two brothers and sister

My Dad's sister and brother

Another bonus? Cousins!!! Glorious cousins!!! My father was 1 of 3 and my mom was 1 of 4 growing up and my network of cousins is vast and amazing. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews...the whole kit and kaboodle; all of that stems from having siblings. Second cousins are just considered cousins in the Boylan/Brown world and I can probably name twenty friend that we consider cousins as they are just like family!
D with my niece and nephew (5 years ago!)

All my crazy cousins at my brother's wedding in 1997

Christmas in New Orleans, I'm the little brat on the right crying. 

So do we do it? (Don't worry, we haven't pulled the goalie yet) I know if we do have another that will be it. I mean daycare alone will cost $2,000/month. That is a vacation home mortgage payment! And in this economy I hate to be the cause of a slowdown in Jim Beam demand.

Once you do make the decision to go for it there is the question of the age gap. Joanna at A Cup of Jo did a great post on the question about how far apart should kids be. Just go read her post and look at all the responses!

Our large and awesome family at F's Christening!



  1. After we had our twins I'd ask my husband if he wanted another...he'd always say no, he was good. I always felt like I wanted another...the Lord blessed us in His time {I thought we'd have another when the boys got older. Long story short the Lord laughed and sent #3 way before "our" plan called for}. I say if you're on the fence you should go for it. Honestly you won't ever regret having another one BUT you might regret it if you don't. Hope that made sense. Blessings in whatever you do choose...nancy

  2. When was your brother at Christ? My uncle and cousins went there!

  3. Girl I debate about this all the time. We should talk for reals. I am pretty sure I wnat two. But I knew I I didn't want another til S was potty trained and in a big boy bed. I have read serval articles that 3.5 years to 4 years is the perfect spacing. I have friends who have done it both ways but my friend who kids are 3.5 years apart seems to have it easiest. Plus think about paying for two colleges at once! But I ove having a brother and sister so I hope to give S one one day but for now I will enjoy my wine and the ease that it is with one child!

  4. Just catching up on my blog reading. I wanted to put my two cents in since I've been thinking a lot lately about adding another to our family and this would be #3 for us. Yes, I know, I should be shot. I have two kiddos that are 3 and 4. I wanted them close but didn't think they would be this close in age. They're 17 months apart and I'm not going to lie, the first two years were really hard but now we've moved on to the next phase and it has gotten much easier. It's still crazy at my house and they try to beat the shit out of each other a lot but most of the time they are best friends and play together and love on each other. So I say, if you're even thinking about it, just do it. I don't think there is really ever a perfect time to do anything. I agree with Nancy, you'll never regret having another one.