Thursday, February 6, 2014

Dammit It's Not Summer Yet.

Warning: This is a angry rant. Fingers crossed its PMS but it could be SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Just let me type it and click Publish and don't judge me.

I think I'm scarred from childhood birthday parties being canceled due to snowstorms. This is true. I grew up on a mountain in South Asheville (Arden) and for some reason our big snow storms always came in March. They didn't have cheesy names and there was  no Jim Cantore. Just the old landline call to my friend's parents telling them that my St. Patrick's day themed slumber party had been canceled due to the inability to get to my house. Then Dad would put the items from the fridge in the snow and fire up his old pump-start Coleman stove....Wild times. I was such a cool kid that after sledding and building snowmen I would do homework in advance. DORK.

So when Christmas ends and everyone is like Spring is here I want to say...


Its not here. You CANNOT wear your spring shit until after Easter**. So SIMMER THE FUCK DOWN. (**See disclaimers at the end)

Yes, it was 70 degrees this weekend and lovely but give Winter what it deserves. Winter demands that you spend long solemn days snuggled up in yoga pants sipping coffee and listening to Sweater Weather by Neighborhood. Hell, our friends had their annual Crawfish party last April and it was COLD! I brought F home from the hospital in 45 degree nastiness in late March.

Don't lie. You do this too right? Except I go to bed alone in this house. The Mr is a night owl.
Valentine's Day Card via here.

My point is that once one holiday or season ends we RUSH and BEAT THE DAMN DOOR down to start the next. I get the kick Thanksgiving out of your bed and invite Christmas in craziness but do you really own 5 tupperware bins of Easter/Mardi Grad/Valentine's decor? Really? (tad jealous) The fact that the stores had Valentine's Day stuff out the day after Christmas just blows my mind.

Slow down. 

And wear your winter clothes. You can still post the other stuff, but give a nod to Winter. Or that crazy bitch mother nature will send 12" in April. And not the kind you want.


Disclaimer #1: I get that spring clothes are on sale so I'll let that one slide. In fact you should check out Carter's new spring line for boys. Its not hideous! It doesn't say I'm mommy's reason to pop pills, or Daddy's #1 regret. I promise!

Disclaimer #2. I'm cool with pastels for Valentine's popping out. But if I see one more person longing for the beach I'm going to kick their ass to Florida. You can officially start talking about laying out in your bikinis in March. 

Disclaimer #3. This doesn't apply to people in warmer climates or near the coast.  This applies to places where it is in the 20's this morning with the windchill. And you poor Northerners.... where you have had nonstop snow then I get it! You're over it! I'm just venting! Go put on your bikini in your house and put the thermostat on 90!

Disclaimer #4. The first day of Spring is officially March 20th which is the vernal equinox. I understand Spring Break is usually before that so us the suntan oil soaked photoshopped bronzed pictures until then. Because I don't know about you...but my Jergens self-tanner is working overtime to cover up these frigid Irish blue legs.

No comments:

Post a Comment