Friday, October 10, 2014

Why Can't my 35 week old fetus send me an Outlook Meeting Request for Her Damn Delivery Date

(My Mood)
I know I know I know, only C-Section chicks get to know when their baby is coming. It's a joy to have that sudden rush of your water breaking. Blah blah blah.
Last time my water didn't break, it slightly leaked and while it was this excited "I think this is it honey!" moment I just want to know WHEN. Ford was 3 weeks early so that puts us 2 weeks out if she is going to do the same thing. Now we get to craft emails to our friends titled "In case my water breaks early Fuchs Kid Watch plan". We are leaning heavily on our friends and I want to say thank you in advance.

And why can't I get another ultrasound? Just do it Doc! Take a peek! Puhlease!!!!!! If Dr's offices had voluntary Ultrasounds for $50 a pop they would be making BANK. And yes, I googled it and Charlotte has several third party ultrasound offices I can go to. Don't think I haven't ruled that out yet. Because if one more person tells me I look like I'm carrying a boy I'm going to shove all these cute pink clothes down their throat. I'd be thrilled with a boy...but this OCD crazy mom is fully equipped for pink.
And since I sound like an angry over hormonal psychopath...let's spend the rest of this post venting today......

If you ask someone to be home at 8:30pm WITH Ice Cream because you have to work at 9pm and they come home at 8:45 WITHOUT Ice Cream.....DON'T COME HOME.

The asshole who dented my car in a parking lot.

Trying to pee in a cup when you can't see the cup. Seriously. Put some damn gloves in the bathroom.

Maternity jeans. I loved them last time but I wasn't wearing them in the bitter end. I'm at the bitter end and ready for jeans weather and wouldn't you know it that damn belly panel FUCKING RIPPED. I don't want to spend another dollar on maternity clothes but shit guess I need jeans. I only have myself and McDonald's to blame but damn. Guess its yoga pants for 5 weeks.

And speaking of Fashion...WHAT THE FUCK J.CREW! This looks like something Kate Bosworth would wear to dig up a body.

or drink kale coffee with some hipsters. 

Young bloggers in their twenties who are newly married and smoking hot. You girls are wonderful and have done nothing wrong to me but I have to stop following you on Instagram. I don't remember the last time I wore bathing suits like those and even I'd be guilty of slapping your ass if I saw you in person. Sheesh.

Blake Lively Pregnant. 

There, I already feel better. I think I'm just moody (allowed to be) and anxious. And yes...I feel very fortunate to be pregnant and #blessed that I have so much food available to me and yadda yadda yadda. I'm just venting. Or maybe I'm nervous because I know what's coming. 

From this tumblr and huge thanks to Katie for posting.

 Let's end on a happier note with my girl Emma using a Shake Weight. 

And This from Jennifer Garner because she is awesome.
Raging Bitch 


  1. This was so funny and I just laughed so hard my csection scar hurt from that tumblr page!

  2. Oh goodness you are hilarious! Or is it bad to laugh at someone's rantings? When I saw the Instagram with Jennifer at first I was like "damn you mean ill never have a flat stomach" but then I was honest with myself and realized it looked like I had three kid before one kid so there really was never any hope. And the peeing in the cup thing - so true. Honestly I think a funnel or anything has to be better than the 3" diameter they give you (and lucky me had a 3 year old with me every time). Maternity jeans suck period. At the end there is no beating gravity whatever you wear - unless it's a dress but I always looked like a whale in a dress. And one last thing - if the plan for Ford doesn't work out, the nurses at cmc are awesome. We didn't have a plan when Teague was born so neland came with us at 3am (smart I know) - he was totally spoiled by the nurses for two hours while we waited for someone to watch him. Okay book done (is my comment as long as your post?! Backing away from the phone)

  3. Haha Omg I'm dying laughing here! You are hilarious and I wish we could know the due date too! I meant don't our babies know we need to plan, sheesh!

  4. The waiting game blows. I live in yoga pants now and I am not pregnant. Oops. It is so freakin' hot here I can't imagine denim yet. I like that there is a BABY WATCH email. I am glad that tumblr amused someone else. I was like YES!

  5. Cracking up. Seriously. Sorry to be laughing at your hormonal pain :) but you are SO funny!

  6. I peed on my hand today of that makes you feel better haaha!!! I have to admit once nice thing about the c section is the known due date but I'm not lookimg forward to the recovery and inability to laugh without pain!! I'm just about out of clothes that fit and I can't stop eating junk!! Were so close!!

  7. This is hysterical! You should curse more often. :) And props to you wearing pants, mama! I was all about the mumu at that point. Putting on pants was more exercise than I could handle in a day. Actually, at 16 weeks my thighs grew out of my first pair of maternity jeans #depressing. I gained 9 pounds in the last three days before Olivia was born - so the mumu was a lifesaver. All this to say: been there, rant more often, and thanks for making me appreciate the fact that I'm not currently peeing on my hand weekly.