I Didn't Want to be a Nut Mom

I have several friends whose kids have the anaphylactic nut allergy and when they posted about their kids diagnoses I felt horrible for them. It isn't just an "avoid nuts if you can" issue, it is a "a cookie could kill my child issue". It uproots your lifestyle and forces you to stop your busy world and learn about the specific allergy your kid has. Whenever Huff Post or some other news outlet posts articles about Kids passing away from food allergies I read them. I am a worrisome person and I can't fathom what this fear must be like. Another article here. And here. And here. And here.  

Amelie had horrible eczema last winter and several friends commented on my Instagram picture that maybe she has food allergies. Other friends messaged me separately saying not to worry, it is probably just the winter weather.

Well...

Amelie attended a birthday party at Ben and Jerry's where they make homemade Ice Cream. Raw eggs are included in the recipe. Max gave her a tiny tiny bite and she broke into hives. We dosed her with Benadryl and she was fine. My pediatrician referred me to an allergist to do a full panel of tests just to make sure.

It was the Thursday before the Alzheimer's Walk in Charlotte. I had just taken care of my Mom for a few days and was emotionally wiped out from being her caregiver. (Which is pathetic because my Dad takes care of her EVERY DAY). But that is another topic. We also had a very (for lack of a better word) messy summer regarding some of our other family (which I will never elaborate on and am only mentioning it so I don't seem like such a woe-as-me type) so I walked into this appointment with a heavy heart and fried mind.

Amelie handled it like a trooper as they stuck her arm. First Eggs then Walnuts, Pecans, Hazelnuts...etc all started turning red. The peanut spot was down near her wrist so they retested that one on the other arm. For 15 minutes I stared at her arm. Please don't do this to me Lord. I cannot handle anymore. I am already at my breaking point. 

And then peanuts started turning red....

By the time the friendly allergist came in and confirmed that Amelie was indeed allergic to Eggs, Peanuts and Tree Nuts I was sobbing. I had to explain myself (and my emotional baggage) and she said crying is a very common reaction. She walked me through all the information (Asian restaurants are a no-no, buffets are bad, pasta has eggs) and taught me how to use the Auvi-q. I pretty much got a Dr's note to be a Helicopter Mom. 

I got in my car and first called my Dad and lost it. I know it isn't cancer, and I pray that she will live a long and wonderful life, but a peanut allergy is scary. It is a huge learning curve for us and one I'm still way behind on. We will be doing a baked egg challenge in December where we sit in the Allergist's office for 3 hours (oh boy) and slowly feed her a muffin with a baked egg in it. I am praying we pass this as somehow eggs are in EVERYTHING! 

My friend Julia at Pawleys Island Posh just happened to publish a post the exact moment I was at the doctor of egg, dairy and nut-free snacks. This has been my go-to list when I am at the store. I have become very close of a friend of a friend whose son has a peanut allergy (that's you Kathryn V) and one of my sorority sisters is an expert on this field. Ford's best friend (who has a rockstar Mom) at School has a nut allergy. His "girl-friend" Avery (who also has a rockstar Mom) had the egg allergy but grew out of it. Our babysitter's boyfriend has a nut allergy. I am not alone.

I just didn't want to be a nut Mom. I'm already an obnoxious Alzheimer's advocate, I didn't want to have a multi-tiered medical worry podium. 

This Halloween please consider leaving out a non-candy treat or one that does not have allergy implications. We will have a bowl of Spider rings as part of the Teal Pumpkin project. The Teal Pumpkin project aims to have allergy friendly items at each house so kids, such as Amelie, don't feel left out on Halloween.

Take part in FARE’s Teal Pumpkin Project™:

• Join 100,000 households pledging to participate in the Teal Pumpkin Project™. Take the Pledge>
• Provide non-food treats for trick-or-treaters and paint a pumpkin teal to place in front of your home, along with a free printable sign from FARE, to indicate you have non-food treats available. Download a Sign>
• Make a gift to FARE to support research, education, advocacy and awareness programs that make a difference for the 15 million Americans living with food allergies. Make a Gift>

First Birthday Party Dress

Me, 1981, New Orleans

There are so many options for little girl's clothes that I get overwhelmed!! Here is a picture of me from my first birthday party. Even though it will be November I think a sweet embroidered dress is the way to go right? Since we can't find mine I will make sure to preserve hers!

I'm guessing my dress was Feltman Brothers or Auraluz so let's start with those.

Feltman Brothers Bishop Dress with Lace Trim

Feltman Brothers Bishop Dress with Rosettes

Feltman Brothers Embroidered Dress with Lace

Feltman Brothers Crocheted Flowers Cardigan

Feltman Brothers Cardigan with Floral Embroidery

Auraluz Dress with Embroidered Ribbons/Flowers 

Possibly add a fancy monogram?

Auraluz Dress with Ruffle Collar

Petit Bebe by Anavini Corduroy Dress

Petit Bebe by Anavini Blue Poplin Dress

I actually prefer her in Blue but invitations are pink!

Florence Eiseman Pink Ponti Dress with Flowers

Prim and Proper's Mary Elizabeth Dress

Petit Ami Corduroy Bishop

Whew. What is your favorite?!

An Update on Mom October 2015 (Lengthy Post)

SIOR Beach Function at Amelia Island

These posts are getting harder to write. I will attribute part of it to the possibility of a brewing depression on my behalf and also to the fact that I'm a working mom with two kids but the fact is there are minimal happy moments these days.

Breakfast in bed at the Omni

We started with a trip to Amelia Island for Dad's SIOR conference. I tagged along as a caregiver for Mom because she cannot be left alone, especially in a strange hotel room. Her separation anxiety from Dad is severe. When he returns she is elated and then quickly angry again for whatever reason she has come up with. I worked most of the mornings in an adjoining room and one day found her naked as a jaybird locked on her balcony because she was trying to hang up her bathing suit outside. She still knows that bathing suits are hung up (like we do at the beach) but couldn't figure out how or where. We had a good laugh about that. She now requires someone to dress her, bathe her, brush her teeth and help in the ladies room. If you leave her alone while "getting ready" she will put lipstick on her eyes and drink mouthwash.

I kept her at home after the Amelia Island trip so that my dad could have a break.(Which created a 3 hour long tirade in the car of how Dad and I were a-holes but we made her stay with me anyways) He needs a break. He needs more than I can offer at this time. She does not enjoy my house and my son is (as most four year olds are) loud and unruly in her eyes. I am thankful my job is flexible to let me take longer lunches and log off early but that is still time I have to make up later in the evening. She counted down the seconds she could go home.

In Asheville we had her Memory Care appointment. I cannot sing enough praises about this place. Our family friend (who is probably the closet thing I have to a mother right now) Alice Myer joined us to help with the medical advice and just to be a shoulder to cry on. They administer a MMSE each time and Mom's score in May was a 10, this appointment was a 5. She has low word fluency and is completely unaware about current day facts. She doesn't know most of our names anymore except when she is angry. When they told us the score was a 5 it was a sucker punch. We knew already but to have it written down is hard. They asked us if we had any questions and we had hundreds but we wanted to know what was next. And the answer was Skilled Nursing Facility.

They told us most people in our situation would have already done this. Dad and I both started crying.

Getting a blow-out  at Gorgeous Glo. These women are so patient and wonderful and there is nothing better than a fresh "Do".

This past week I kept Mom again while my Dad traveled to Chicago to be sworn in as President of the SIOR Carolinas chapter. I think it is a blessing in disguise he is so busy. Asheville is booming and it couldn't have come at a better time.

She did okay here but would shuffle down the hallway to my office and be angry Dad hadn't called (he had) and wanted to know when she was going home. (20 times a day). She fell several times and had several accidents. My daughter has a newly diagnosed peanut allergy and my mom doesn't understand that. She handed her chocolate and several other things that almost gave me a heart attack.

The biggest change is her motor skills. She cannot get in and out of the car very well and no longer walks, just shuffles. She was exhausted after several stores in the mall. She also gets angry if you don't let her buy things so I just gave up and let her spend. A few things I will secretly return for her because they are tacky chotchkies that she never would have liked as her former self.

Gel manicure at Polished b/c it is the only kind that stays on. I had to hold her hands still as she would knock over the bowl otherwise.

We went to Ruth's Chris as a thank you from Dad their last night here. Mom kept leaning to the right almost falling out of her chair and tried to eat the butter with her fingers. Ben was our waiter and has first hand experience with Alzheimer's and he and Max got Mom a desk chair from upstairs and sped up our food.

Monday night Mom fell down the stairs in Asheville. She is okay and it was nowhere near as bad as her last fall but we are concerned about her stability and what is going on motor wise. They added a muscle relaxer to stop the phantom limb movements (her right arm won't bend and shakes) and said it shouldn't be causing this so we might be going to a neurologist.

We are coming up to the stage that we dread. We will have to put our BB in a facility. We don't want to and prefer to keep her at home as long as possible but she is no longer safe there. Even if we got someone from Home Instead that leaves my Dad to do the nightly duties and I can assure you after doing it myself for 4 days you are emotionally spent. We had thought maybe next year after the beach would be our mental deadline but with her decline in the past month we might have to move up our timeline. Researching these places is daunting. The average memory care unit runs about $9,000/month. PER MONTH.

Please keep us in your prayers as we begin to plan for this next chapter. I get to practice escapism every now and then and launch myself into Amelie's first birthday party planning or work but Dad doesn't get to escape. 

Love,

Katharine

How to Help Those in Columbia, SC

The combination of Hurricane Joaquin along with an upper level Low Pressure created an "Atmospheric River" of moisture that inundated South Carolina with torrential rain and now horrible flooding. Here is an explanation via Forbes. Brad Panovich, the weatherman here in Charlotte, NC, called it a "Fire Hose" of moisture which you can see from the above photo. This has all caused devastation in SC....

We have an amazing Mom's group here in Charlotte that is taking up a collection of clothes, toiletries and basically anything we can and taking it down there in a U-haul. Several High Schools and Elementary Schools are serving as collection points. If you are further away here are some ways that you can help South Carolina (via CNN):

• The Salvation Army is assisting communities along the East Coast by providing food, water and shelter to flood victims. You can donate to the Salvation Army's relief efforts online or by texting STORM to 51555.

• The American Red Cross of the Palmetto South Carolina Region needs volunteers to assist in shelter operations and disaster assessment. New volunteers can visit RedCross.org/SC and click on volunteer to start the application process.

• The South Carolina Baptist Convention has deployed food and child care units to assist flood victims. A chainsaw unit also is on the ground, helping to remove fallen trees interfering with power lines.