Wednesday, October 22, 2014

27 Things I Laid Awake Thinking About at 3:00am

1. Is that my son crying?
{His wind tunnel noisemakers are so loud sometimes I can't hear him with this new configuration. I hear phantom kid noises way too much. And when he does cry he screams into the pillow. Maybe I should get him a walkie-talkie, or teach him to text me. No, I don't want my kid addicted to technology}

2. Speaking of monitors how am I going to have two in the same house? Do I buy another brand for the nursery? Will they interfere? Will she wake him up? Will he wake her up?

3. Will she sleep?

4. What is the weather like tomorrow? {Checks Weather Underground}

5. Hmm, that's cool enough for pants and a long sleeve shirt, will a hoodie be enough or does he need a jacket?

6. Do I have any pants that fit to put on in the morning? Oh, those new Old Navy ones came in. But they need to be hemmed. Maybe nobody will notice...I already drop off at daycare looking like an Olsen twin. Damn they have so much money. Bitches.

7. Is that contractions or just Braxton Hicks? Or gas?

8. Where is my neck? And who invited this other chin?
9. What if Ford gets hurt on the way to the hospital? What if all these fall layered clothes make him pass out from heat exhaustion? What if he is always sweating at night because he has diabetes or something else wrong? He needs a flu shot.

10. I need to do a post about things I worry about. What will I use as pictures?

11. I cannot believe William and Grace in Asheville was sold out of that cute hat that my sorority sister used for her son. {begins google image search} Maybe I don't need a hat. But maybe I do. What if she has a huge cone head. {quotes from So I married an Ax Murderer fill head} Definitely no headbands.

12. Is that a roach? {no, its a sock Boudreaux carried upstairs}

13. I wonder if Max is going to take my car in today or just play clash of clans.

14. Should I get Starbucks or start working when I drop Ford off? I better do report first and then decide. Oh I have that 1:00pm meeting and a 2:30. Guess I'll take lunch at 4. Do we have lunch food? I need to drop off food for ________. Oh shit, we need to create a food list. Do people like bringing food? I live farther South, maybe its a pain.

15. God I hate the carpet in the TV room. I wonder how much hardwood floors are. But then I would have to buy area rugs. I hope my house isn't messy when people visit. I hope I can shower at some point in the next 6 months.

16. We still need to put rug in Ford's room { eyeroll at Max} What else hasn't he done on the list. Cut him some slack maybe he is scared of a daughter. Nah, he's just playing clash of clans. He did write you a breastfeeding app though. {that was for my first kid}

17. I wonder if I should try to get highlights before baby comes. Probably could use a refresher...but I don't want to keep paying for highlights. But everyone tells me my hair looks good. {maybe they are just being nice since I am the size of a house} Maybe I should do a brown wash-in. Max HATES brown wash-ins. Screw Max. But I don't want my hair to ruin newborn hospital pictures. {don't worry, your triple chin has that allllllll covered}

18. MUST finish thank you letters by tomorrow. For Sprinkle and Krewe BB. Should sign up for Caregiver Support group once baby is 6 weeks. Which one? Where do the cool kids go? Need to order Mom elastic pants from Lands End.

19. I cannot believe CMC doesn't keep the babies in the nursery anymore. And they don't provide pacifiers. What in the *&^% am I paying for. Shit, need to order pink pacifiers. I wonder if I can bring Ford's old ones? They have been in the attic. Guess i'll go to Target on Friday afternoon, need to get a birthday present for one of his friends and probably could use another nursing bra. Crap, also need a noise machine for baby's room and back to the monitor situation...............oh and a pink changing pad cover so I can take nursery pics. Because House Beautiful called and they want to feature a wall to wall carpet home in South Charlotte. BAHAHAHAHAHA.

20. What else do we need? WHAT ARE WE FORGETTING????? KEVIN!!!!

21. Was I supposed to tell insurance I'm having a baby? Can't they use some deductive reasoning?

22. Is that Braxton Hicks again or the black beans I ate?

23. I'm sooooooooo thirsty. I'm sick of drinking water. What else can I drink.

24. If this baby is on her due date what in the world will I wear for Thanksgiving? A Turkey suit? How will Thanksgiving work? Baby Wrap? Ergo? I need to practice putting the Ergo on. Does Ford need bedrails at my parent's house? I could use the pool noodle trick. Nobody is selling noodles right now. And what if they have mold? Do noodles grow mold?

25. Who is going to decorate for Christmas? We need a bigger house. We need a garage.

26. Is Ford going to know I still love him? Maybe he should wear a coat and not a hoodie tomorrow. What if the hoodie gets hooked on the fence and no teachers are looking and he chokes. {I freak out about what if scenarios regarding my son's safety NON-STOP}

27. Do other people lay awake and worry about really stupid shit like the above list. Does Non-stop have a hyphen. Will people still be my friend after I admit how fucking crazy I am?

At this point I say the Lord's Prayer then start thinking about camp and somewhere along those camp fuzzied memories fall back asleep........

Please tell me I'm not alone! And that zoloft is okay to take while breastfeeding. I'm obviously a clear case of someone that is better medicated. That's a topic for another post.

The real bottom line is I need to do as my mother always taught me and "Give it to God". Sometimes when thoughts begin to overwhelm you the best thing you can do is to trust in God to take the thoughts out of your head. I am not very good at practicing this and it is my main focus for the next year ahead. Here are some quotes (helpful albeit cheesy) I found on Pinterest..



  1. You are totally not alone in this. Are you a Amazon prime member? If not join Amazon moms. I think it is free for like 30 days or something. You can just have those pacis and bday gift to your door in 2 days. It is awesome.

  2. #21 - do NOT forgot to tell insurance you are having another baby. Cause this mama did (insert finger gun to head).
    What a scam - since my INS offers prenatal nursing follow up every month and they didn't have any of that ON FILE to recognize a baby coming!? nice fat hospital bill and a few dr visits later, not my idea of a push prize :(
    I have a 5 month old girl and a 3 yr old boy - it is really heaven and you are going to love every minute.

  3. Nope. Sounds totally normal to me!

  4. Seriously dying laughing over here...i have WAY too many open tabs in my brain and it's just one long continuous thought! Hang in there Mama!!

  5. 100% normal, at least to me! I laid awake last night looking up google images of melanoma which turned into me using the flashlight feature on my phone to look all over my body in the dark of night in bed next to my husband. TRUST me, I can give your crazy a run for it's money ;)

  6. Oh goodness I have so much to say and them you got all serious and added even more for me to say - but I'll keep it short. That last part is such an important part. I have pretty bad ppd based on anxiety about my babes getting old one day (hopefully they are lucky enough to grow old) but my thought at night - insane. I met with our children's director at church for this very reason and you know what she said "give it to God" and then you went and posted all of this! She also said she fully believes in medicine too ;) bring on the Zoloft or Xanax!

  7. Thoughts like that are exactly why I don't sleep while pregnant. I second Katie's Amazon Prime suggestion. Helps me check things off the list at 3 AM

  8. I do this all the time, every single night I wake up with my mind racing and my kids sleep thru the night now its just me being a crazy worrier and type A trying to control everything. I agree with Katie and amazon prime I order all my baby stuff on there and bring pacis you will want them. good news you can have bourbon soon. Hang in there!! You are not alone!

  9. I don't have kids yet but I worry so much already about when I do have kids I can't imagine how it's going to be when I do!! Guys are so lucky they can just shut off their brains! I love the eye roll at your husband. This post cracked me up!!

  10. I am such a worrier, too. I get it from my mom. And grandma. I can only IMAGINE how much worse it will get when baby boy arrives...ughhhhhh....